Going from Ruth to Boaz

Toward the end of our eating on a dollar a day, I read the book of Ruth and was struck by its beauty. (If you have not read Ruth recently, you can read it here.)

It is a glorious story of love, faith, and redemption that foreshadows Jesus. Ruth, a foreign widowed woman, moves to Bethlehem with her widowed mother-in-law Naomi. Unable to provide food for themselves, Ruth gathers leftover grain in one of the fields. Boaz, the owner of the field, eventually marries Ruth, and from their children comes the lineage of David, which is the line of Christ.

What a great picture! As I read through the book, two major points stuck out to me:

1. Ruth is incredibly needy.
2. Boaz is a gracious provider.

Of course, these aren't incredibly profound observations, but they meant a lot to me in light of my eating position.

I was Ruth.

I bet everyone has felt like her at some point: incredibly needy. Maybe not with food, but somehow in great need. But it is a great comfort to see that just as Boaz steps in and provides for Ruth, Christ steps in and provides for me.

In some sense, I am always Ruth. Jesus will always be my redeemer in that way, and I am forever grateful.


Still, I couldn't help but notice one part of chapter three. It reads:

Then [Ruth] told [Naomi] everything
Boaz had done for her and added,
"He gave me these six measures of barley, saying,
'Don't go back to your mother-in-law empty-handed.'"

I wondered then,

"When am I Boaz?"

In relation to Christ, I am always Ruth, always the one in great need. But in relation to other people, sometimes I am in a position of neediness and other times I am in a position to provide.

Sometimes I have six measures of barley to give.

As I closed the final week of our experience eating sparsely (as Ruth), I realized I was about to re-enter a state of comparative wealthiness (as Boaz). There is nothing wrong with being Boaz, as long as I give to the Ruths around me. I can't let them go empty-handed.

When I am Ruth, I must be willing to accept giving. When I am Boaz, I must be willing to give.

My giving need not be great, but it must be willing. After all, it only really takes A Dollar to Remember.

My collection of gods

This was my final meal on just a dollar. Of course, it had to be oatmeal.

It's been one week now since I've been able to eat "normally" again. It feels good, I'll be honest. I've thought long and hard about this whole experience, and I have reached a conclusion.

Here is the biggest thing I've learned:

Eating easily becomes my god.
So does not eating.

The first of God's ten commandments given to Moses was You shall have no other gods before me. I realize now just how often I don't live up to that.

At the beginning of this project, while I was still adjusting to eating much less, I saw just how dependant I'd been on food. It wasn't just for nourishment, but for comfort, boredom, loneliness, and a whole list of other things. Without even realizing it, I made food my god.

Toward the end of the project, when I had mastered the "rules" of our dollar-a-day eating, I realized one day that I had started worshipping not-eating instead. It dominated much of my thinking, my conversation, my lifestyle. Without realizing it, I made the absence of food my god.

It's crazy to me how that works. It makes me realize just how easily I put gods before God.

But it's not only food. Sometimes reading becomes my god. Or my time spent with certain people. Or politics and current events. Or blogging. None of those things are bad in themselves, but I often allow them to consume parts of my life. In doing so, I begin to worship them.

They become my collection of gods.

I don't want to sound pessimistic here. This collection of gods is not the final word. Looking back on the experience and my god-worship, I realize two big things:

1. I am more sinful than I thought, which makes me see my need for Jesus more. I sin when I eat; I sin when I don't eat. Thankfully, I worship a God who says that if I confess my sin, He is faithful and just to forgive me. I don't understand that kind of forgiveness, but I am forever grateful for it.


2. Seeing glory in the gift should always lead me to glory of the Giver of those gifts. Food is a gift from God. So are people around me and books and, yes, even blogging. If I worship these things, they become sin. But they can also lead me to see deeper greatness and grace of God. That is a great thing.

Last Sunday, on the day I was able to eat again, I ran across one passage in I Corinthians. It reads:

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

He is God Almighty, infinitely greater than my trinket collection of gods. He deserves that glory.

Not forgotten

I haven't forgotten to post my final thoughts. I have simply chosen to wait a short while for two reason:

1. I haven't been feeling 100% lately. My stomach is having a tough time readjusting.
2. More importantly, I don't want to make hasty judgments. I want to think through the experience completely before making any remarks on it.

Thank you for your patience. I will post my final thoughts by the end of the weekend. Best,

Nathan

Day 46: The Final Day

This is the last day of eating on a dollar a day. Tomorrow is Easter, and I will have a full "normal" lunch after the Sunday service to break the fast.

I am excited and exhausted at the same time. These last few days have been especially difficult, feeling like the last leg of a long marathon. Still, I am satisfied, knowing our mission has been fulfilled.

At the bottom of this blog has been written a single verse from Galatians. It comes from the time when the Apostle Paul and Barnabas are about to separate from Peter, James, and John and move in different directions in their ministry of the gospel. At that moment, Paul makes one simple note:

"All they asked was that we should
continue to remember the poor,
the very thing I was eager to do."

So Laura and I put up A Dollar to Remember with a similar goal. And we have remembered. It has been a humbling, enlightening, frustrating, joyous journey. I am grateful for the experience.

Over the next few days, I will continue to blog about my closing thoughts and greatest lessons. Until then, here is all the food I have eaten over the past month and a half:


Week 7

Week 6

Week 5

Week 4

Week 3

Week 2

Week 1

All food costs from 46 days:

$45.98

Day 45: Knowing Our Weaknesses

How rich are you?

This is the question of globalrichlist.com. It lets you type in your annual income and see how you compare to the rest of the world. And it's a humbling experience.

For instance, a person working one full time job at just minimum wage in the U.S. ends up in the top 12.84% in the world:



This in itself is a sobering perspective. My first reaction is to say, "Wow, things may be tough, but they could be worse!"

Still, I can't help but wonder what that bottom 1% of people looks like. What is it like for those whose poverty actually couldn't get any worse? What are they supposed to say?

It brought to mind a part of the book of Hebrews that encourages us to hold firm to our faith. The author writes:

"We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

No matter our situation, Christ can identify with our weaknesses. All of them. And he offers us grace and mercy in our time of need according to his wisdom.

On this Good Friday, in the last few days of eating sparsely, I can't help but read that and smile. What a great God!

Day 44: Tasting Spring

Today is officially the first day of spring.

I've never been good with poetry, but I think 17th century poet Anne Bradstreet had some profound words on spring:

"If we had no winter,
the spring would not be so pleasant.
If we did not sometimes taste of adversity,
prosperity would not be so welcome."

So true. Now that I've taste the wintry side of poverty, I know that once I am able to eat again, it will be as welcome and pleasant as spring. Oddly, the wintry experience makes the spring even sweeter.

Still, once my day of spring arrives in a couple days, I don't want to forget what it was like in winter. I hope to continue to see poverty in this new light.

This is why I was so glad to find freerice.com, an organization that lets us help fight poverty around the world simply through the power of supporter advertising. (It's also helpful to build our vocabulary. Win-win situation!)


Here's a short video on the project:


While I am tasting spring, I want to help those still in winter.

Day 43: I'm (relatively) Hungry

"I'm starving." I used to say this all the time.

I didn't really mean "I'm so hungry that I need a doctor." I just meant that compared to other days or people around me, "I'm (relatively) hungry."

One of my psychology professors last semester has lately been researching the related concept of shifting standards. In her book, Standards and Expectancies, she writes:

"It is almost a truism to say that life is relative--that our experiences and judgments of people, things, and events occur against the backdrop of some comparative standard or frame of refefence. My claims that 'I'm hungry' or 'my daughter is brilliant' or 'that haircut is ghastly' are all things made with reference to some standard... [S]uch statements imply more x (more brilliance) than others, and they are therefore inherently comparative" (Monica Biernat).

Am I poor? What about in comparison to each of these men?













When I say that a person is poor, what I really mean is that he is poorer than me or than the general population. But if the standard of poverty shifts in relation to Bill Gates, for instance, than suddenly I am just as poor as the next guy.

Jesus himself calls this out in the book of Revelation: "You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked."

So what does all this mean? It levels the playing field a bit. Somehow, we're all now in the same needy boat--relative to God. As a needy man myself, the only answer is to look to the only One who is never needy: my Lord.

Suddenly, my cry becomes that of King David in Psalm 70:

Yet I am poor and needy;
come quickly to me, O God.
You are my help and my deliverer;
O LORD, do not delay.
I'm starving. We all are.

Day 42: Compassion Fatigued

"Very often [it] is the result of the feeling that, no matter what we do, it is ineffectual." (Susan Moeller)

It's called compassion fatigue.

I'm sure we all feel it at some point. I know I do. It's overwhelming to think of the depth of need in my own city, much less around the world. And when I stop to pray for the poor and needy, sometimes I sit in silence, overwhelmed and not knowing where to begin.

Need is everywhere. We see it through the Salvation Army, the Red Cross, Christian Children's Fund, Make-A-Wish, Habitat for Humanity. It comes through our mailboxes, our telephones, our TVs. Even the sidebar of this blog shows poor children in need.

Remember the song "Feed the World"?

I was just being born as this song was being recorded. Still, most in my generation know it. The almost 50 artists who joined to record it formed the charity group Band Aid.


Here are some of the lyrics:
And the Christmas bells that ring there
are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it's them
instead of you
Heavy.

So what's a person to do? I feel overwhelmed (and even more guilty), yet I don't know what to do that could make any real impact. I'm feeling the compassion fatigue.

John Piper, in his book A Hunger for God, makes a helpful observation on this. He writes:

"I do believe that the more relational our care for the poor can be, the better. But it would be wooden and unchristlike to say that all care short of bringing the homeless into our own home is hypocritical. That may be what we should do in some cases, but not necessarily in all. And it is often an all-or-nothing attitude that paralyzes God's people."

I realize now that while feeding the world is impossible for me, the "simple" things do matter:

• I can ask the lady who mops the floors in my school Union building her name and how she's doing.
• I can not avert my eyes and make the wide semicircle to avoid the homeless man, but smile nicely at him instead.
• Instead of throwing away my old gloves, I can give them to a charity group.
• I can fight my thinking that the lady in front of me in the grocery line with foodstamps is just using the system, and silently pray for her right there.

As Piper notes, "Do not be paralyzed by the statistics. We are not responsible for what we cannot do but for what we can do."

That helps relieve some of the fatigue. Otherwise, my compassion begins to slowly fade.

Day 41: Rumbles

This morning I woke up to a loud clap of thunder.

It's the first thunderstorm of the season. And I love it. I have always loved thunder and lightning. There are few things in the world as powerful and awesome as the blinding flash of light and the earth-shattering boom.

I reminds me of the end of the book of Job. After days and days of Job's suffering and questions, we finally read these words:

Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm.

Whoa. I can't imagine what that must've been like. As God himself speaks, He answers Job's question with more questions:

Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth? Have you entered the storehouses of the snow? Do you send the lightning bolts on their way? Do they report to you, 'Here we are'? Do you have an arm like God's, and can your voice thunder like his?

Finally, Job responds: "I know that you [LORD] can do all things."

As my stomach rumbles, telling me it's time for my oatmeal breakfast, the thunder rumbles, telling me that my all-powerful God is in control. He can do all things.

I love that.

Day 40: Forty Days

Both the gospels of Matthew and Luke record the account of the temptation of Jesus. At the beginning of his ministry, Jesus spent forty days fasting in the desert before being tempted three times by Satan.

Artists throughout the centuries have tried to depict this time in the desert. William Blake, 18th century English painter, gave us this portrayal of Jesus' (right) interaction with Satan.










My favorite, however, comes from 19th century Russian artist Ivan Kramskoy. Here is the painting he gives:


I like Kramskoy's because, unlike other depictions such as Blake's [see many other works of art on Christ's temptation here], I can actually see the suffering in Christ's face.

Today is our 40th day of the dollar-a-day fast, and it has been difficult. But Jesus ate nothing at all during his 40 days. I can't even begin to imagine that. He must've been weak, gaunt, physically drained.

Still, even in physical weakness, Jesus responds with a powerful passage from Deuteronomy 8: "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." John Piper comments on Jesus' words in his book A Hunger for God. He writes:

"The aim of fasting is that we come to rely less on food and more on God... Every time we fast we are saying with Jesus, 'Not by bread alone, but by you, Lord. Not by bread alone, but by you, Lord.'"

As I press through this final week, I live by my Lord alone.

Day 39: Nearing the End

Today is Saturday, the first day of my Spring Break. It's been even tougher to keep eating on a dollar a day lately for two reasons:

1. During Spring Break, every college students snacks... a lot. And I still can't.
2. After holding on for over a month, the end of the project is just a week away. It's even harder to stay strong to the end.

Still, I can't complain. This has been a difficult but fascinating journey, and I am glad to have taken it.

I am changed--mentally as well as physically. Several people have told me how they could see the physical change. I didn't see it until I compared photographs.

Here's one from before the project:

And one taken yesterday:


Our hair is different, but so are our faces. We do look a bit thinner.

But in spite of (or maybe because of) all this, I hold to the words of James, the brother of Jesus:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I love that.

Day 38: So Long, Soft Drinks

I first thought about it when I noticed an entire grocery aisle devoted to it.

As we near the end, Laura and I have been talking about what will actually change about our lives after A Dollar to Remember is finished. For me, one difference is to cut down on the number of carbonated drinks I buy.

All last month, I drank almost nothing but water. I just couldn't afford other drinks. And most didn't offer me any nutrition anyway.

This is not to say that carbonated drinks are all bad. I just see too many of them in my own life. For me, they're an indulgence that I realize isn't healthy and costs money that could go elsewhere.

So why should I drink them?


On a sidenote, I tried to buy healthy for my last full week of groceries. Here's what I bought on Wednesday:

Day 37: Sympathy or Empathy?

"Oh, sorry"

I've heard this phrase so many times in the past month. It usually happens after someone eats or talks about eating around me.

• "Man, I love these peanut M&Ms!" (oh, sorry)
• "Here, have a cookie." (oh, sorry)
• "You wanna go to IHOP with us for pancakes?" (oh, sorry)

I've noticed this happening more and more. Let me say just a few things about it:

1. I completely understand. I would say (and have said) the same thing in your shoes.
2. But I feel bad that you feel bad about my situation. It makes me feel... pitiful.
3. I don't feel bad about my own situation, so condolences really aren't necessary.

Realizing these things now makes my re-think my own perspective on poverty. My sorries don't do much good here. If anything, they probably make things a bit worse.

So what would help?

For me, I couldn't go without a Barnabas.

In the book of Acts, this man Barnabas came alongside the apostles--especially the apostle Paul--in some tough times. Barnabas wasn't even his real name. His real name was Joseph. But the apostles nicknamed him Barnabas, which means Son of Encouragement.


That's what I really need--a son of encouragement.

I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad about the things they've said or done. I just want to be able to look back on this experience long after it's complete (after I've forgotten what it feels like) and remember.

They don't want pity or sorries. They just want a little encouragement.

Day 36: The Un-Won War

Over 40 years ago, President Lyndon Baines Johnson declared war on poverty in his first State of the Union address. Here is a short clip of his words on the issue:



"Unfortunately, many Americans live on the outskirts of hope--some because of their poverty, and some because of their color, and all too many because of both. Our task is to help replace their despair with opportunity.

This administration today, here and now, declares unconditional war on poverty in America. I urge this Congress and all Americans to join with me in that effort.

It will not be a short or easy struggle, no single weapon or strategy will suffice, but we shall not rest until that war is won."
[Read or hear LBJ's entire speech at americanrhetoric.com.]


So what happened to this war on poverty? Why is the war still un-won?

I'm not trying to make any sort of political statement. I've just been thinking about the origins and effects of poverty lately. Then I read a part of 1 Samuel 2 this morning that shed some light:

"The LORD sends poverty and wealth;
he humbles and he exalts."

John Gill, respected 18th century theologian, helps translate the meaning of this passage. He writes:

"That there is such a difference among men in general, that some should be poor, and others rich, is owing to the wise providence of God, that men may be dependent on one another."

That makes sense. If a person is in poverty, the very next verse in 1 Samuel tells how the LORD will lift them up. But if a person is more in wealth, he too must submit to the Giver of those blessings and share with those less fortunate. God is infinitely wise over both.

Rightly enacted, this situation does create a dependence that shows sacrificial love on both ends. The war on poverty may be long-running, but in the meantime, I can look to the God who created us all and share the things He has given me.

It's hard. But it's good.

Day 35: Avoiding Asceticism

Asceticism. I'd heard the word used before, but I was never quite sure what it meant.

Here's the Dictionary.com defintion:

as·cet·i·cism –noun
the doctrine that a person can attain a high spiritual and moral state by practicing self-denial, self-mortification, and the like.

C.S. Lewis addresses the dangers of this specifically in his book The Problem of Pain. He writes:

"Ascetic practices which, in themselves, strengthen the will, are only useful insofar as they enable the will to put its own house (the passions) in order, as a preparation for offering the whole the man to God... As an end, they would be abominable, for in substituting will for appetite and there stopping, they would merely exchange the animal self for the diabolical self." [emphasis added]

Chilling. In other words, when used as a means, self-denial can bring us into closer intimacy with God. But used merely as an end, self-denial feeds self-reliance which will eat me alive.


This was good for me to read in light of my current eating. Honestly, I have been a bit impressed with myself lately for carrying this experience through (since I'd never imagined I'd be able to make it this far). I can already feel the self-reliance.

It's a good reminder to hear that A Dollar to Remember is only as valuable as the degree to which it draws me nearer to my Lord, not to myself.

Thank you, C.S. Lewis, for a good kick in the pants on this. I needed it, and I am grateful.

Day 34: I Cannot Do It

I've been thinking a lot about injustice lately. But I was reading in Genesis this morning, and I think few people have experienced as much injustice as Joseph did.

• His brothers sold him to traveling merchants out of jealousy (37:28)
• He was thrown into prison because he refused to sleep with Pharaoh's wife (39:20)
• He was forgotten by a man who might have be the key to his freedom (40:23)

Still, one small phrase stood out to me as I read Joseph's story.

Just before he is restored to second-in-command over all of Egypt, he is brought before Pharaoh, the man in charge. Pharaoh asks Joseph to interpret his recent dreams. Joseph can. We've seen him rightly interpret dreams many times already so far. Yet he responds to Pharaoh like this:

"I cannot do it, but God will give Pharaoh the answer he desires."




I suppose in some ways I understand that moment. Even though I have less than two weeks left for eating on a dollar a day, I feel like I don't have the strength left to make it.

Maybe that's the whole point. I cannot do it.

But my God can. And He will pull me through.

Day 33: The Hour That Wasn't There

The sun is shining as I write this. Yesterday, it would've already been dark by this time.

Last night was Daylight Savings Time here. Not everywhere in the world does it, but I like it--especially in the spring. Overnight, all our clocks get set forward an hour, and suddenly the sun stays up longer the following days.

Just before I fell asleep last night, I wondered, "What happens to the hour between 2:00 and 3:00, when the clocks just automatically skip forward? What happens to the hour that isn't there?"

That one hour seems like a hole in time. I wasn't sleeping at 2:30 last night because 2:30 didn't exist. Weird.

Now that I'm fully awake to think about it, I see that time didn't really change last night at all. But something else did. We changed our frame of reference for time. We just scooted our time-measurers (clocks) forward, and began calling that point in time something else. We simply changed 2:00 to 3:00.

That frame-of-reference shift changed everything.


I think this dollar-a-day process has done the same thing for me.

My frame of reference for looking at the poor has suddenly shifted. Now that I've walked a mile in their shoes (as best as I can), I see things in a new light. I see what it might be like. I see how difficult it can be.

In the past month, my 2:00 has shifted to 3:00. I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but I somewhere along the way my thinking has changed.

All I know is that I'm thankful for the experience--and for the shift.

I'm thankful for the hour that wasn't there.

Day 32: Thirsty

"Come, all you who are thirsty."

I read this yesterday in the book of Isaiah. I write in every book I read--including the Bible. In the margins next to this verse, I had written a note to myself sometime earlier. It read:

am i thirsty?

I thought about this yesterday. It really made a lot more sense to me in light of all that's been happening over the past month.

There is one way we can all become thirsty--figuratively and literally.

For the last two weeks of A Dollar to Remember, we are inviting people to join us by drinking only water until Easter and donating the money saved from other drinks to help build clean-water wells in Africa. [See yesterday's post for complete details.]

It's called Blood:Water Mission. Here is a video on the project:



"am i thirsty?"

Day 31: A Call to Join Us

Please join us in the last two weeks of our journey.

You don't have to eat on a dollar a day. Your part is much easier than you might think. All we ask are two small things:

1. Make water your only beverage.
2. Go without Easter candy this year.

Take the money you would normally spend on these things (coffee, soda, tea, juice, chocolate, candy bars, etc) and collect it in a small jar or mug throughout the two weeks.



This is a part of an organization called Blood:Water Mission, founded by the Jars of Clay band. The money you save will help build wells for clean water in Africa. Laura has personally seen many people in Africa who need this sort of help.

On Easter Day, the final day of our project, you can send your savings to the Blood:Water address listed on their website here.

It's only two weeks of sacrifice. But it will make a world of difference. You can even ask the people you know to join you! This is just one way for us to share the blessings God has give us with people less fortunate.

Please start now. Today.

And thank you so much for your help.

Day 30: Can't Afford to Eat Healthy

Processed or imitation.

I haven't had real meat or cheese for the past month. I can't afford it. The cheaper foods are often artificial, and consequently, pretty unhealthy.




Laura and I talked about how difficult it is for poor people to eat healthy.

They don't have much money... so they can't eat right... which leads to health problems... and continued loss of money... so they still can't afford to eat healthy.

It's an out-of-control downward spiral. It's been a struggle for Laura and I during this time, looking for affordable healthy options. I can only imagine what it must be like for entire families who live this way--especially ones with growing children.

"Sometimes it's the only decision they can make when the rent is due," says one researcher.

[See a full article on the subject, "Who Can Afford to Eat Right?" from ABC news.]


On a lighter note, I was able to find a few healthy foods marked down for various reasons. Here are my groceries for this week:

Day 29: Secret Selfishness

I just heard Frank Warren speak at KU. He is the renowned originator of PostSecret, a worldworld phenomenon where people anonymously submit their artistically portrayed secrets via postcard.

So I was inspired to share a secret of my own:

Sometimes I don't want to care about anyone but me.

During this time of focus on the poor and needy, I see more and more clearly just how selfish I really am. And I am ashamed.

...

...

...


I have nothing else to say except that I am thankful for a God who is as self-sacrificing as I am self-serving. I trust in His promise: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

Frank was right. That is freeing.




Here's one montage video on the subject.
[Be warned: Some PostSecret images may be considered offensive to some. I consider this particular collection PG.]

Day 28: Hungry Planet

I ran across a fascinating (and sobering) book the other day. It's called Hungry Planet: What the World Eats by Peter Menzel, and it visually follows the weekly eating of families across the world.

For instance, here is a comparison of two of the families:

One family from Chad

One family from the United States

Time Magazine online reported on the book. Click here to see many of the other families and their food.

It is well worth seeing.

Day 27: Shaking Pyramids

I bought new shampoo and antiperspirant today. But my pyramid didn't fall.

I love it when I run out of bathroom products and get to buy new ones. I usually buy something I've never tried. It's almost exciting to break my daily routine with a fresh scent or feel.

[To clarify, Laura and I have decided to live on a dollar-a-day in food. But all else stays as before--shampoo, lightbulbs, gasoline, etc.]

As I stood at the register with my purchases, I looked at the total (about $6.00) and realized this was almost as much as I pay for a week of food!

I realized then that my pyramid wasn't right.

In psychology classes, we see Maslow's hierarchy of needs often. The pyramid Maslow developed shows that people prioritize to satisfy our most base needs before continuing on to satisfy needs higher on the pyramid.


A Dollar a Day concerns a most base physiological need: food. According to the pyramid, this should profoundly shake the rest of of the levels. Yet in the rest of my life, I still continue my college education, read newspapers, foster friendships... and buy shampoo.

The rest of my pyramid is still intact in spite of my food needs. While this is true for me, it is not necessarily true for people who normally live on a just dollar. Why worry about developing creativity when they need to focus on where their next meal will come from?

As hard as this process has been for me, I see that it could be so much more difficult.

I am thankful for all the levels of my own pyramid. Still, I can't help but think about those whose pyramids are shaking.

Day 26: Wind Appreciation

Today was Wind Appreciation Day.

Once a month, Laura and I take a day to appreciate something specific about life and spend some intentional time with each other. We alternate months, each of us taking a turn to choose something to appreciate.

This month was Laura's. She chose wind.

It was the perfect day for it. High temperatures in the 60s and a strong south wind. So we flew kites, made pinwheels and took photos from the top of a campus building.



From the top of Bailey Hall, the wind was incredibly powerful. I almost fell over once.

Feeling the wind strength, it reminded me of the section in Luke 8 when the disciples look at Jesus after he calms a storm. In awe, they say to each other, "Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him."

That was good for me to remember. Sometimes this dollar-a-day thing gets discouraging, but this very same Jesus says a little later in Luke 8, "Do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it.... Your Father knows that you need them."

If my God rules the wind and waves, I know He can surely provide for my true needs.

I am appreciative.

Day 25: Refugees in their Own Country

"What are you going to do with the money you save on food?"

I've been hearing this question a lot lately. When I only spend a dollar a day, it's a legitimate question.

When Laura and I have finished, a good part of the savings will go to the Kenya Relief Project through the UWEZA Care Foundation (visit their website for a passionate video and an explanation of the country situation).

Laura actually knows some of the people supported by this fund from her summer in Kenya. The following video is of Teacher Grace, a widowed mother of four, who taught classes at the school where Laura worked. Teacher Grace has since fled her home because of uproar in Kenya over the recent elections in the country.




I have been following the U.S. political coverage the past couple months. We have a monumental election coming, so it makes sense to have so much news coverage on it. Our government system is fascinating and wonderful to me.

Still, I am saddened by the fact that the Kenya election, which resulted in hundreds of deaths and thousands fleeing their homes, gets so little attention in comparison. These are people.

I love our country. But I see how selfish I have become sometimes.



Laura and Anne in Nairobi

Day 24: Half Way

I've just crossed the half-way point.

I don't know whether to feel encouraged or discouraged by that. Here's a rundown on where I am now:

• I have learned so much so far about myself and others.
• I realize there is still much more to learn.
• I am sometimes frustrated or jealous about food.
• Other times I am content with the situation.
• I don't feel dizzy, weak, or particularly hungry.
• I have lost a lot of weight: now 25 pounds.
• It has been much harder than I thought, in unexpected ways.
• I am ready to be "normal" again.
• I feel for the people for whom this is normal.

Here are the groceries I bought this week:


One final thing:

Today is February 29th, a bonus day that only comes once every four years. Laura and I joked about how we have to make the most of today since it doesn't happen very often.

That's how I feel about A Dollar to Remember. It is a special thing. And I want to make the most of it.

Day 23: Entitlement

For a long time I prayed before meals, but I think it was sometimes just out of habit. I pray; I eat. That's the way it works.

Today, though, I noticed that I prayed for my sandwich while I was walking between classes.

I didn't used to pray for something like that. I guess it's because a sandwich on-the-go doesn't really feel like a meal, so I didn't usually think about it. But today I did. I thanked God for providing my sandwich (and it was a good sandwich too--since I bought lettuce yesterday).

Afterward, I wondered why I'd never prayed that way before. Part of the reason is that I never thought to thank God for something so small (and now a sandwich is no small thing). But I think the biggest reason is the feeling I have:

A sense of entitlement.

It's my food. I bought it. I need it. I've never been seperated from it. So I deserve to have it. I have a right to eat.

I know it's wrong, but I think that I've always assumed those sorts of feelings without even knowing it. Sometimes I think I still do--which is why this dollar-a-day process helps put me back in my place. It reminds me of that old proverb:

"God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble."

He constantly provides for me, though I don't deserve it (even when I think I do). I am not entitled to His grace, yet He still gives freely.

What a great God. I am thankful.

Day 22: The Big (little) Give

Lately I've been noticing promotions for Oprah Winfrey's new show, The Big Give, set to premiere this Sunday, March 2.

The concept sounds interesting: Ten competitors are challenged to use a bundle of cash to change strangers' lives in the most innovative ways. They have to give big--until only one competitor is left.

This sounds great. Philanthropy is much needed, and I think this show promotes that. Still, I am left with one question:

What about the little give?

When I first heard about the show, I thought of the story of the widow's offering in Mark 12. As many people enter the temple and give their sizable offerings, a poor widow enters. She gives two small coins (worth less than a penny). But it was all she had. And Jesus commends her action.

I witnessed an example of this first hand the other day.

For some unexplainable reason during this time of dollar-a-day living, I have been craving Cheez-Its. (See my earlier post on this.) Still, Laura and I have decided that we will only eat the things we are able to buy on this amount.

So I had come to terms with the fact that I won't be able to eat them. That is, until recently.

Sunday night, Laura said she'd bought me a gift. When I opened my eyes, there was a little bag of Cheez-Its. I knew how much a personal sacrifice it was for her to buy it (since we can't really afford much on our tight budget), so that little bag meant a lot.

Just like the widow's two coins.

I realize that giving costs. If I haven't met any cost, I haven't really given. I imagine that Oprah's new show will be heartwarming, but I'm also glad for a mini bag of Cheez-Its and two small coins.

Day 21: Weighing In

This was never meant to be a diet. But I've lost quite a bit of weight--about 15 pounds in three weeks.

I thought my weight loss would level off eventually, but I have been steadily losing weight throughout this entire process. I've checked in with an online dietitian source (dietitian.com) to make sure I'm staying healthy now.

Here was my weight range:


And my suggested nutrition intake:


It looks like I'm still within healthy bounds so far. It makes me wonder just how malnourished people who really eat on a dollar a day must be.

Day 20: Cheer Up

In light of the negative emotions I wrote about yesterday, I just ran across an enlightening comment that resonated with me. It comes from The Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. He writes on the fasting experience:

"At first we will rationalize that our anger is due to our hunger. And then, we know that we are angry because the spirit of anger is within us. We can rejoice in this knowledge because we know that healing is available through the power of Christ."

This is both a sobering and freeing thought. It reminds me of a popular truism that my mentor often says:

"Cheer up!
You are more sinful and flawed
than you ever dared believe,
yet you are more accepted and loved
than you ever dared hope
because Jesus lived and died in your place."

I love that.

Day 19: Banana Blessings

I've been thinking through some hard things in my life the past couple Sundays. Sometimes I've been angry about it. Sometimes frustrated or confused. Sometimes bitter. I've just had a lot of negative emotions.

But the banana is coming.

Let me explain.

This morning I had another bowl of oatmeal (as I do almost every morning now). This isn't the good stuff in those pretty packages with the different sweetened flavorings. It's just plain oats and water. I eat it out of necessity for the nourishment--definitely not for the taste or texture.

Today, however, I got to eat half a banana with my oatmeal. I didn't mix it in. I saved the banana until after I finished the oatmeal--to leave the sweet taste in my mouth. And it was good.

Knowing the good taste of the banana was coming made the oatmeal more bearable.

This morning in church I thought about this. (Yes, I was over-analyzing my breakfast, but the thought resonated with me.) The Apostle Paul writes in Romans 8 (my favorite chapter of the Bible):

"Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later... We wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us."

I love that.

Jesus lived, died, and lives again for us (in spite of us) because he loves us. I have so much sin in me. But one day, Jesus will redeem all my negative emotions and bitterness and confusion into full glory with him.

There is a banana coming at the end of this oatmeal.

Day 18: Chapati

Chapati is one of the foods Laura learned to make in Africa from flour, oil and water. It is very cheap and tastes pretty good. We use it now for a sidedish in meals or cut into chips for between meals.

Here is the way to make it on YouTube. We roll and fold oil into the dough one additional time, but it looks almost the same.



And here I am making some of my own:

Day 17: Understanding God?

I don't know how to handle poverty.

It's not only hard for me to see that it exists. It's also hard for me to understand why and how it exists. I get overwhelmed by the weight so easily.

This morning I read a section from Isaiah in the Bible:

"The poor and needy search for water,
but there is none;
their tongues are parched with thirst.
But I the LORD will answer them;
I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them."

Isaiah 41:17

Sometimes that's hard for me to understand. I still see the suffering of the poor and needy, yet God says He will not forsake them. Maybe I will never fully understand how this works, but I know somehow it fits together.

If I turn back just one chapter in Isaiah, he writes this:

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

Isaiah 40:28

My God is all-present, all-powerful, and all-knowing. I can rest in the knowledge that He has everything under control.

I love that.

Day 16: Gaining Wait, Losing Weight

Two things since I began this process:

1) I've gained a bit of self-control in staving off urges to eat for fun.
2) I've lost weight--about seven pounds--in the past two weeks.

I noticed it this morning when I had pull my belt a notch tighter. I'm not thrilled about this (since I'm not that big a guy to begin with), but I suppose it's part of the experience.

But let me focus on the positive. In spite of the food reduction, Laura and I are trying hard to stay safe and healthy throughout. Buying groceries is a little easier now that I can use foods I've purchased but not yet finished from the past two weeks.

Here were my groceries for this week. For the first time, I was able to buy all the food groups: dairy, grain, fruit, vegetable, and meat!

Day 15: Unity in Pizza Rolls

"Just eat it. It's free."

I hear this often from people around me. We have Sunday School breakfasts, baked birthday goodies, Bible Study snacks--and someone usually pays for it out of kindness. Cost to me: zero, usually.

Still, things like this don't happen often to some other people. So during this process, I have a rule of thumb as far as what I can eat. If I bought it, I can eat it.

So this was allowed. The DEAL OF THE WEEK:


Totino's Pizza Rolls!
Total cost (after sale and coupon): $0.04/box

I love it! And I also learned something from it.

Laura and I would never have known about this deal had we not received a hot tip from someone else. It made me think about something Laura used to say about the families in Nairobi:

"They have so little. But they're usually so happy."

When we don't have much, we have to depend on other people. Dependence builds unity. And unity builds happiness--and in this case, pizza rolls!

In some ways, these poor are actually richer than I am. I suppose we're all poor in some way or another.

Day 14: Twenty-First Time

I heard this song on the radio the other day and realized I completely identify with the lyrics. It hit me hard in light of the past two weeks. Here is a video inspired by the song.



LYRICS

Nowhere to live, nowhere to fall
he used to have money, but he’s wasted it all.
His face is a photograph burned in my mind,
but I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time

He sleeps under stars, that’s all he can afford
His blanket's an old coat he’s had since the war
He stands on the corner of Carter and Vine
But I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time

He may be a drifter, he’s grown old and gray
But what if he’s Jesus and I walk away?
I say I’m the body and drink of the wine
but I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time

She’s twenty-nine but she feels forty-eight
She can’t raise three kids on minimum wage
She’s cryin’ in back of the welfare line
but I pretend not to see her for the twenty-first time

She may be a stranger tryin’ to get through the day
but what if it’s Jesus and i walk away?
I say I’m the body and drink of the wine
but I pretend not to see her for the twenty-first time

This is a call for a change in my heart
I realize that I’ve not been doin’ my part
when I needed a Savior, I found it in Him
He gave to me, now I’ll give back to them

Drifter or stranger, father or son
I’ll look for Jesus in every one
’cause I am the body and drink of the wine
and I’m thankful there’s more than the twenty-first time


Twenty-First Time by Monk & Neagle

Day 13: Licking the Bowl

The temptations are not what I'd expect.

In our social circle, Laura and I have seen a lot of big food events lately. For Valentine's Day, the men cooked a fancy meal for the women. One of our friends had a birthday with a big dinner. And a bunch of my buddies went out to Buffalo Wild Wings to try to eat 200 wings in one sitting.

That's a lot of food. But that's really not the source of temptation for me anymore.

The little things--that's what really gets me. While baking a birthday cake, I want so badly to lick the bowl. Just one finger wouldn't hurt anything, would it?

John Piper talks about a related phenomenon in the book I've been reading. He writes:

"The greatest enemy of hunger for God
is not poison but apple pie."

He explains that the real dangers lie in the things that aren't bad in themselves, but end up as "deadly substitutes."

Food is not bad in itself. But I'm not just trying to avoid food. I'm trying to see a deeper understanding of the Almighty God and His heart for the poor and afflicted. With this as the goal, it takes very little to sway me from the path.

Just one lick of the bowl.

Day 12: Getting Homesick

In correlation with this time, I've taken up reading A Hunger for God by John Piper on the recommendation from a mentor.

For Laura and I, this time is considered fasting (although a nontraditional method), and I think the book will help me process along the way. I have not read too far yet, but I love how Piper begins the Introduction.

Here is the very first sentence:

"The birthplace of Christian fasting is homesickness for God."

This is profound. Still, in all honesty, I know that I don't yet know what that means. I suppose that is part of the journey.